Keep It Gay
by PhantomBialystock
Summary: Hoping to get Roger to direct their newest show, Prisoner's of Love, Max has Leo take Roger out on a date. Leo wants it to be strictly business, but Roger is looking for something else out of it that will surely leave Leo in hysterics.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own The Producers. This fic was written for fun, not profit.**

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Chapter 1**

"Max are you sure this is a good idea?" Leo asked as his business partner pushed the phone on the desk Leo was sitting at closer to him. "We can always get another director."

"Are you kidding?" Max exclaimed. "People went crazy for his overly campy style with _Springtime for Hitler_! Why wouldn't we have him direct our new musical as well?"

Leo shook his head and pushed the phone away. "He doesn't like us anymore."

Ever since Max and Leo's plan to make millions off a fraudulent musical had been revealed, the director of the show, Roger, had refused to even speak to them about their newest venture, _Prisoner's of Love_. And with good reason. The producers had only hired him to direct _Springtime_ because they thought he was a terrible director. Little had they known that audiences would love both his visions and his performance as Hitler in the show. Roger, as strange as it was, had become a vital instrument in keeping their success going.

"Correction. He doesn't like _me_," Max pointed out. He picked up the phone, dialed Roger's number, and handed it to Leo. "But he loves you. You saw the way he flirted with you all the time during rehearsals. Ask him out to dinner to discuss the show. I'm sure he'll agree to come along."

"But Max . . ."

"But nothing."

Leo opened his mouth to protest again, but before he could say anything, a voice sounded on the other end of the phone.

"Hello, you have reached the living room of renowned theatrical director and actor Roger Debris's elegant upper east side townhouse on a rainy Wednesday afternoon in September. Who may I say is calling?" It was Carmen, Roger's . . .erm . . . _common law assistant_.

"Hi, Carmen. It's Leo. Leo Bloom." His voice shook as though he was on a bumpy bus ride. "Can I speak with Roger?"

"Oh." Carmen's voice suddenly became cold. "I'll get him."

Leo heard Carmen put the phone down and walk away. He looked up at Max who gave him a smile of approval.

"It's only showbiz," he told him. Those were the same words he had said the first time they met Roger, and Max had wanted Leo to compliment the dress Roger had been wearing. That only resulted in the director becoming uncomfortably close to Leo. Hopefully he was too angry at them now to even think about making advances toward him this time around.

Leo spent a few more minutes twiddling his fingers and trying to bring himself down from his nervous state before Roger's voice came through the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Roger." Leo tried to keep his voice from shaking. "It's Leo Bloom."

"Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Bloom!" Roger's voice rose an octave upon finding out who he was speaking to. Even if Max and Leo had used him as part of their scheme, he had always taken an interest in Leo. After all, he did have a bit of an innocent charm to him.

"Roger, I was wondering . . . well, I was wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner some night. There's some business I'd like to talk to you about regarding the newest show Max and I are producing."

"Would Max be coming along?"

"No."

"Then I'll gladly come!" Max rolled his eyes after hearing Roger's comment about him. "Where will we be meeting?"

Leo looked at Max, who mouthed the words 'Chantelle's Kitchen' to him. "We'll meet at Chantelle's Kitchen. Saturday at seven."

"Oh, Carmen and I adore that place! Can we sit under the crystal chandelier?" Roger was becoming giddier by the second.

Leo just shrugged. "If there's seats available, yes."

"Then I simply can't wait for Saturday! A nice little dinner date with you!"

Leo gave a nervous chuckle. He wasn't too keen on hearing the word 'date' come from Roger. "And we'll discuss the show that we want you to direct and star in." The last thing he needed was for Roger to forget that this meeting was strictly business.

"Of course, of course." He didn't seem too convinced, though. "So I'll see you Saturday."

"Saturday it is!"

"Alright then, darling Bloom." Leo cringed at the use of the word 'darling' used in front of his name. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Leo hung up the phone and tore his blue blanket out of his pocket. He placed it under his nose and breathed in the familiar scent of the material in hopes that it would comfort him. "Max, this is a bad idea."

"Nonsense. You see how much Roger likes you. I'm sure he'll agree to direct our show if you talk to him," Max told him, taking a firm grasp on his shoulders.

"But why can't we meet him here, and you can just leave for a bit? Why does it have to be a dinner out?"

"Because Roger is all about the glitz and the glamour, and that's how we'll win him over!"

"What if he thinks it's something more? What if he tries to _do_ something?"

Max just chuckled. "It will all fall into play. Don't you worry about it."

He gave Leo a wink that was supposed to be reassuring, but Leo still wasn't convinced that things would go smoothly. Just the thought of being alone with Roger and his imaginings about what might ensue was enough to make his stomach do somersaults. As Max sauntered over to the sofa in the office, Leo pulled out one of the accounting books for _Prisoners of Love_. Maybe working on the finances would take his mind off of everything for a little while.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Leo arrived at_ Chantelle's Kitchen _a little earlier than the time he had arranged with Roger. He was dressed in one of his finest suits. Max had told him to dress in his best attire, but Leo's wife, Ulla, had helped him in that department; he had never been very fashionable himself.

The restaurant had an expensive air to it. The waiters were dressed in tuxes, everyone seated at the tables were all dressed up, and everything looked so clean and pristine. Leo could only imagine the prices written next to some of the food. He hoped Max had given him enough to pay for it all so he wouldn't be stuck washing dishes afterwards.

The host, a blond man in an expensive tux, approached Leo once he had returned to his podium. "Name?" Leo had made reservations to avoid any extensive waits or diva fits from Roger.

"Leo Bloom, but I'm waiting for someone else," he said just as Roger came bounding through the doors. He was decked in his sparkly tuxedo - the one Max always rolled his eyes at - and had his hair gelled back. He put a hand on Leo's shoulder and smiled at the waiter.

"We're ready to be seated," he said.

The host cocked his eyebrow at the two. "Then follow me." He picked up two menus and led Roger and Leo toward the main dining area. Roger's face lit up when he realized that they were going to be sitting at the table directly under the crystal chandelier. Leo, on the other hand, wasn't so excited. He could already feel his heart hammering against his chest, and the looks the host was giving them didn't help.

"Your waiter will be over in a moment," the host said. Roger gave him a friendly wave as he walked away, and then turned his attention toward Leo.

"So, Mr. Bloom, how are you doing this fine evening?" the director asked, draping his hands over Leo's. Leo slowly pulled his back toward his menu and flipped through the pages. He had been right; the prices were ludicrous!

"I'm doing fine, thank you," he replied.

The two remained silent for a moment as they looked over their options. Leo was grateful that by the time they had both placed their menus down, their waiter came to the table. It put off talking to Roger, even if it was only another minute or two.

"Hello, my name's Andy, and I'll be your waiter this evening," he said, flashing a smile. "What would you like to drink?"

"A bottle of champagne!" Roger exclaimed. "Sound good, Leo?"

Leo had been hoping to just get a Coke, but he wasn't about to argue. "Sure."

"Excellent! And I think we're ready to order, too. I'll have the steak tips with veggies, please."

"The same for me."

"I'll put that right in," Andy told them, and then took off.

Roger leaned his head in his hand and gazed into Leo's eyes. Leo folded his hands to prevent them from shaking too much. "So, Leo, you wanted to speak to me about the new show you and Mr. Bialystock are producing?"

"Yes," Leo replied, glad to be getting back on track. "That's exactly why we're here. It's called _Prisoner's of Love_. It's kind of like _Springtime_, but with convicts instead of Nazis, and we want you to direct and star in it."

"Hmm." Roger stroked his chin. "Well, I'm not too sure I'm willing to trust the two of you after your last scheme. Using me and all, just to make yourselves a fortune."

"And Max and I are completely sorry for that." At least Leo was. He wasn't so sure about his colleague.

"If you think a simple apology will win me over, you're sadly mistaken. I'm sure that you were misguided by Mr. Bialystock, the piece of scum. After all, you're so sweet and innocent." He took Leo's left hand and ran his fingers along it. Leo wasn't sure whether to be happy about the comment or be worried. "I don't blame you as much as I blame him. But still, there is that issue of trust."

The champagne came, and soon after, their meals. Roger and Leo stuffed their faces with their steak tips and the veggies that accompanied them. Both agreed that their dishes were delicious, but they spoke little about the food. It was a mere distraction from their continuing debate about the new musical. Leo continued to apologize and promise that he and Max weren't using Roger this time around. They wanted him to direct the show because they thought he was great - or at least the audiences did. But by the time Leo had paid the check, Roger still wasn't convinced.

"Well, Leo," Roger said, standing up from his chair, "I believe that you're sincere, yet I'm still not prepared to join you and Max. But, if you'd like to continue this discussion, we could go back to my place for a little bit.."

Leo was ready to refuse. It had been awhile since he had last stepped foot in Roger's townhouse, but he could still remember it clearly. Carmen flirting with him, other men trying to dance suggestively with him to conga music; it wasn't something Leo wanted to go through again.

But Max's voice played back in his head. _Come on, Leo! It's only show biz!_

And maybe his business partner's words were true. A visit to Roger's place wouldn't kill him, and if anyone wanted to do anything a bit too crazy for Leo's liking, he could always refuse. He gave a nervous smile and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go."

* * *

As soon as Leo and Roger were back at the director's apartment, Roger sat him down on the couch in the living room. All the lights were out, and the only thing illuminating the room was the light that was coming from out the windows. There wasn't a sound to be heard, either. Carmen and the rest of Roger's production team that lived with him were probably all in bed.

"Um, Roger?" Leo asked. "Would you mind if we turned on a light or something?"

Roger put his hands and on Leo's shoulders and chuckled. "Very funny, Mr. Bloom." Leo reached for his blue blanket that was tucked away in his pocket, but Roger gave his hand a light slap. "You don't need that rag. You have me."

"Roger?"

Roger leaned in closer to his face. Leo could feel his hot breath on his neck. He tried to pull away, but Roger pushed him down on the sofa. He knew the director had drank quite a few glasses of champagne, but he hadn't expected _this! _"What?"

"I'm married, and I'm not . . . I'm not like you. Get off of me, please?"

"Married, not married, what does it matter?"

"And you have Carmen."

"He's probably asleep. We'll just keep quiet."

Roger pressed his lips in toward Leo's, but Leo turned his face away. He threw Roger off of him, but the director just pushed him back down. "Come on, Leo. Ever since I've met you, I've wanted this. You're so adorable. So cute."

"No, you don't understand!" Leo felt Roger unfasten a few of the buttons on his suit coat.

"Just a quickie. Then I'll sign your contract."

Leo pushed Roger off of him again. He stood up from the sofa, his hands trembling and his eyes wide. "No. We can find another director."

Roger rushed up to him and threw his arms around his neck. He wasn't ready to give up on having an intimate moment with Leo just yet. "Then let's compromise. Just a kiss, and I'll sign."

Leo was about to refuse again, but then he thought of Max. What would he say if he arrived back at the office tomorrow without a signed contract? He had been sure his plan would work, and being without his director and lead actor would only make him angry. And hadn't Max done worse things to raise money for _Springtime for Hitler_, like sleeping with little old ladies? If he had done that, Leo figured it was only fair for him to give Roger what he wanted in order to make sure that their new show was a success.

"Alright."

He pushed his quivering lips toward Roger's and locked on. He felt so strange. He had never kissed a man before. It was so odd, even when he tried to enjoy it. After a few seconds, he pulled away. He stood there, dumbfounded, while Roger jumped up and down with excitement.

"I'd do that again if you'd like," Roger told him, rubbing his face up against Leo's. Leo backed away and whipped out the contract and a pen that he had been storing inside his suit coat the whole time.

"Just sign," he said, his stomach still uneasy from what he had just done.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, how was your date with Roger?" Max asked the moment Leo entered the office on Monday morning. Even if a whole weekend had passed, the memory of Friday night was still buzzing in Leo's mind. Just the remembrance of his lips pressing up against Roger's was enough to make his stomach nauseous.

"I got the contract signed," he replied with a weak smile. He hung up his coat on the coat hanger and made his way over to the desk that Max was standing by.

Max's face lit up, and he gave Leo a friendly slap on the back. "Let's see it!"

Leo placed his suitcase down on the desk, popped it open, and pulled out the signed contract. Max swiped it from his hands and waved it about in the air. "Here we have it! We have the director and actor who made our last show a hit! It's a success, Leo, a guaranteed success!" He slammed the piece of paper down on the desk and bounded over to the sofa.

"So did he just sign the contract?" he asked, plopping down on the sofa.

"Well, not exactly." Leo took a seat at the desk and put on his glasses.

Max looked back over at him, seeming intrigued. "Not exactly?"

Leo gave a nervous chuckle. He had been trying to forget about what had happened that night, and recounting the events to Max certainly wasn't going to help, but he figured it was only fair to let him know just how that signed contract had come about. "We discussed it at the restaurant, but he wasn't convinced that we weren't scheming like we were last time. So when we were all done with our meal, he told me that he wanted to continue the discussion at his townhouse."

Max raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Don't worry! Nothing that bad happened. I mean, he tried to do . . .that . . .but I stopped him. So we made a compromise. If I gave him a kiss, he'd sign on."

"And you did?"

Leo winced. "Yeah."

Max was taken aback. "I give you credit, kid. That might even be worse than the Little Old Ladies." He paused. "Well, actually, no. I don't think anything is worse than those afternoons with Hold-Me-Touch-Me. But at least you did it."

"Thanks."

"Kissing a guy? Now that takes some dedication! And I'll tell you what. How about we go out for lunch later on to celebrate?"

"Sounds good to me!" As far as Leo was concerned, anything was better than the sandwiches that Ulla packed him every morning. She was convinced that she was good in the kitchen, but she couldn't even make a tuna sandwich right. He didn't dare to tell her, though.

"But still, the thought of you kissing Roger!" Max laughed. "That's something I wish I had been there to see!"


End file.
